A Ticking Time Bomb

I didn’t notice the change,
The shadow of pain as it lingered,
I smiled yet again attempting to feign,
A fake happiness pretending,
That life is a ball game and I won.

What is loss or gain I wonder,
Everything is now a dull grey,
The smiles are watery strands,
Of a sorrow running deep,
Blocked in its path and stoppered.

I laugh some more now mocking,
The twists and turns that surface,
I like a time bomb ticking,
Wait for the next big hit,
They come crashing down at once.

Ready for the kill they descend,
Back to back ceaselessly they fall,
They drain me slowly of my strength,
My anger they use to hurt me more,
Watching in glee as I lose yet again.

Mocking Laughter

I am laughing at myself today, at the way i react to the external world and to the things going on around me. I wonder and think about everything that went wrong and all the things that didn't go right, things that made me the person i am today. I have been hurt beyond measure. I am laughing still. I have so much to say and no words to say it with and no audience to say it to. I am still laughing.

Its ironic, the promises in the past, the ones that broke, the ones that were mended, the ones that were never meant to be kept and the ones that were misjudged. I have swept the dust off the surface, but the specks have left their mark. I look at the refection and smile at the thought of what was then in the past and i laugh at what is now in the present and i laugh at the future. I laugh at the way life has thrown its surprises and challenges. I wish i was as young as i used to be, or maybe as young as i never was.