Damn the Tongue!

I talk nineteen to the dozen; I suffer from a verbal diarrhea of sorts. I have ideas, opinions, thoughts, anger, irritation, and impatience, all of it spilling over in a volley. That is probably why I don’t seem to make sense. I say so much, the value and worth of my words is lost in the volume. I speak fast and sometimes in annoyance, my voice shoots up to beyond tolerable levels. When my mind is racing away at speeds that are unimaginable, my tongue is still stuck with the previous thought and I have jumped again.

I think the fact that I say so much is somehow not a great thing anymore. I am not proud of the fact that I reinvent an idea as I am speaking, or that I keep making additions to thought as my mind travails through various paths.

But when does it strike you as a bad thing, something that never bothered me suddenly seems so irksome. An exasperatingly infuriating aspect to my personality, and not because I think so, but because the world or some people in the world perceive it to be so. A flaw which never even appeared to exist, something that never was a bother, seems like it has turned to a nasty storm.

Just one single time that I have had clarity in my speech. Wow! It feels like such a waste, everything in my head, my thoughts, my feelings, my perceptions, my ideas, all of them seem like such a bloody waste. I feel like a juvenile, I don’t know what.

Imagine, you grow up thinking you have a head screwed on right on your shoulders and pride yourself on the fact that you have an extremely strong personality etched out and you are one of the best turned out human beings you happen to know. This fact being reiterated by everyone in all the circles, personal and professional that you know. When you have been told repeatedly that you are by far the smartest person around and then suddenly there is this statement. That you made sense in just one conversation. Brilliant I must say! What a beautiful blow to my self esteem.

I’m flighty and fickle, my ideas are too many and I am unclear. I have a degree in communications and I have studied literature and science and pride myself on knowing a lot about a lot of things, but it’s time to rethink the ‘me’. Time to wonder what can be done about my obviously flawed personality.