That is the primary question. But I do not have an answer to that one. I only have a counter question in answer to it. There is no ambiguity or so I had believed, but there are phases of self doubt and pangs of pain. I wish I had the power and the locus of control was within me, but as is the case everything spins off the orbit and goes off command.
I wonder about the ‘what if’s’ and ‘what not’s’ now, in a more delirious, haunting way, like slipping into tiny trances, of suspension. I do not know what the tomorrow holds in the folds of future, but I have control over my reactions in the present. I want to be in the now and stop wondering and fretting about a nonexistent tomorrow. But what if I can’t, now that’s again a what if.
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