The Flip Side

There are times when you want to dig your feet deep into the sand and not budge or move a single inch. When you want to rebel for the tiniest of things and refuse to listen to anyone else but your own little self. You want to be the only person dictating terms. When life is played by rules set on standards and principles you have set for your own self, when you have designed the game of your life and set it to your tune, it is impossible to accommodate an order by advice.

I have never paid an ounce of heed to advice even when it is given by people that actually matter and are giving it out of concern. I have not been a rebel in the actual sense of the word, but in introspection I never really listened to anyone. I just did as I pleased and if I had to keep the information to myself, lest it trouble the people around me, I did that too.

The idea was not ever to upset the feelings of anyone involved, it had nothing to do with that at all. It was just the inability to accept that I should do as I am told. It’s a desire to do exactly the opposite of what I am told to do. The desire to leave every single strand of anything holding me back, to break away and take off by myself on my own flight, into the adventurous unknowns.

To take liberation in its right spirit and to be free of all constraints. To do exactly as I please and to act and live like my life were my own. That democracy and free will are pathetic excuses for a life of adjusting mediocrity, and that I had to adjust to the norms set by an institution or a society just bothered me. I did manage to do just that, fight it all off and live on my terms.

And now the flip side…

When it is a factor or an enemy that fights you, you can fight back and rebel. I had absolute confidence in that aspect of my abilities and strengths. What I did not ever anticipate was the unknown enemy, I forgot to take life itself into consideration, that I was not on the same side of life, although I was never fighting it, Life was the factor I could not rebel, it was a continuum of time and space and there was no one I could tackle or rebel against, it was a dance that was pre ordained and the rhythms were set, I had to dance and move on to the next phase or I had to give up and lose the whole game of life altogether. I grew up a little wiser, knowing that I can fight off anyone, as long as it was an entity, but I was helpless when it came to life and the way she decided to lead me… So I stayed and danced, remembering not to fight off life’s decisions, my own ugly phantoms, the past, the future or death... I learned to accept and I learned to live…